


Alliumphobia

by BleepBloopBloam



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Don't take it seriously, Drabble, M/M, after the book, fluff-y? i guess, just for fun, this probably isn't canon but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 08:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleepBloopBloam/pseuds/BleepBloopBloam
Summary: Simon makes garlic rolls. Baz neglected to mention that yes, garlic does actually hurt vampires.





	Alliumphobia

In the hallway, Baz pushed open the door to their apartment, sighing. Immediately, his senses were affronted by a sharp, overpowering smell. It physically burned, forcing him to step away from the threshold. 

Putting his arm over his face protectively, he called out (loudly), “Snow!”

Baz heard a muffled “Shit!” and then his boyfriend’s voice from inside. “Hello, honey! Um, I was just, making some garlic rolls? Would you like one? I, uh, didn’t know you’d be here so soon…”

Baz backed away further from the door, the smell seeping into his every cell. “No, you fucking idiot, I would not like one! Haven’t you heard that vampires are alliumphobic, or did that piece of information never get through your thick skull!”

Simon’s face appeared at the door, looking excessively pitiful. “I— I thought that was a myth as well? Y’know, just another misconception!” 

“Obviously, it isn’t,” Baz said (exasperated). “Now, please, for the love of Merlin, do exactly as I say, ‘kay?”

Simon nodded (pitifully), biting his lip and looking worried. This boy was going to be the death of him. (Quite literally, soon, if he didn’t do something.)

“First: burn those fucking garlic rolls, you absolute numpty, and everything they touch. Or at least, the next best thing to it. Get rid of them, is what I’m saying. But don’t eat them, please. Second: Scrub the entire apartment, and spray Febreze every-fucking-where. Change your clothes, then shower. Third: Don’t ever, on penalty of death, do this again. Go get your weird garlic fix at Penelope’s. And then kiss me, because I am so, so, tired. Okay?”

Simon had been nodding with wide eyes the whole time. “Just one thing,” he said, holding a finger. “Have you really, never, ever, wanted a garlic roll? You’ve never even had a taste?”

Baz leaned his head against the wall and groaned. “No, never.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

Once more, Simon nodded. “Alright then,” He began retreating inside, speaking quicker. “M’sorry babe, I’ll fix it, I’m really, really, sorry, please don’t be mad, love youuu!”

The door closed. Baz shook his head at his idiotic, unbelievably stupid, unnecessarily beautiful, imbecilic boyfriend. “I could never be mad at you for long,” he murmured.

**Author's Note:**

> idk fam


End file.
